13th post: Random Boredom

13th post: Random Boredom

Some random porto since I haven’t updated my behance profile.

Erlend Øye line art.
Kiko Mizuhara line art

01 10 2016


12th post: Surviving Survivor, (still not) Socially Survived

It’s been a month, 5 weeks of me living alone, the so-called trained myself to be self-reliant, standing on my own. Everything went smooth exactly what I had imagined, unless my procrastinator trait and f-ing (pardon my word) hellish social life, they didn’t work.

I am a type a person who could adapt well but when it happens to my social life.. no. I tend to dislike or even secretly loathe it, yes my soul is full of repugnance towards my pet peeves. Nobody knows till I post this haha. I probably look like I am totally okay with that but no one’s know what actually inside of the heart. Half of me is very tolerant about everything while the other one truly stand on the opposite side. Sometimes I could be so apathetic about anything, and allergic about anything.

My parents told me to be social but I didn’t really hear what they said. “Don’t be so apathetic, greet your landlord/landlady every time you meet them. It’s okay.” No mom, the sad truth is I could feel them staring pathetically to me and stretching some forced smile on their muscular face. I know they secretly laughed at me like “C’mon, you really do that? Don’t force yourself trying to blend perfectly into our society.”

And now I am living in a new environment which is the exact antithesis towards my 17 years world. Some people might be so thrilled to meet their new world, meeting new people, new society, but I am definitely stand on the opposite side. I mean look at these people, mostly not my cup of tea, definitely not my preference and totally have no desire to engage with them. Told you, culture shock. This new culture has perfectly collided me as well. To be honest, I have cried three times here, during my life crisis and the regular monthly mood swing phase, even thinking to throb myself, self-hurting myself with the dagger just to endure the pain with the physical pain (which was ridiculous) or drown myself to the lake (yes, there’s a lake inside the university complex). Oh, really. Can I just go home immediately so no one’s getting hurt (including myself too?)

But that’s not the point. Far from home, miles away from the whole famiglia, being alone and secluded, it’s actually the phase between your post-teenage life and the premarital status (lol ikr??), start a new life (with somebody) and raise a new one (a family, definitely). Realise that I gonna thank myself after all these critical phase, I finally think that letting my old self to take over my new life is a huge mistake. Although spending my time alone & befriending the solitude is actually my favourite part, it is not good because I don’t live alone. I have to engage with them too, get in touch and stay along the lines.Fact that we’re not alone living in this world and one of those essential things of being a human itself is to be social, we are the only living creatures who are created to be social, to be engaged each other. We have to accept it all, accept all the diversity they have chosen to be different (and not forcing ourselves to be just like them).

Have I told you that I am finally socially survived? Nuh-oh, still a nah. At least, finally find a way to avoid them: become an apathy kid. Just let them passing bye without any word. Haha..

Depok, 22 08 2016

11th post: It’s The Uni Life, Bruh. Welcome to The Club.

It’s the university life, wow, finally, me myself and I, become a university student. The coolest yellow-ish ID card (haha), the yellow jacket (oui, cette yellow jacket est tres repute ici—pardon my messy french haha– particularly around the highschoolers who madly want to be the part of this uni), all of those privileges around the campus and the free access to the uni library (yes they claimed my current university has the biggest library in the southeast asia (this really needs a citation). I don’t know exactly which part is the biggest, the building or the collections?).

The truth is, the whole thing happened on these two months is more like playing myself inside The sims 3 university life. Me the main character, enrolled to the university, got the letter of acceptance, (which must be lucky since I wasn’t really serious about enrolling to the uni. You might not believe if I told you  I was almost sleeping during the entrance test), travelled alone (not really) with her big boxes of her stuffs, and ended-up found herself in a new strange surrounding. A stranger in a strange city, indeed.

I really love the library here. Idek it’s more like a mini mall with some restaurants and convenience store and mini bookstore and sbux and s’mores I mean it’s so convenient here, I could even sleeping on the, yeah I forgot what’s the name but it’s more like a room with desks and chairs so you can conveniently doing your business with your laptop, books etc.

The only one thing beside the library and the famous yellow submarine bus that bewitched me as well since I arrived here: the KRL. The commuter. The another-version-of-parisian-metro (well not really) but sadly we don’t have any underground station here just like Balham tube station ugh that will be so cute if it actually does exist. Haha. Sometimes it could be so dense and crowded even you couldn’t move yourself, sometimes it could be so loose that you could easily walk into another car.

Oh, the most and the last important thing here: lots of cats here woah I can’t even hold myself not to touch ‘em.

See you! Gonna post s’more soon.

Depok, 23 08 2016



10th post: June 4, 1940: The Last Day of Dunkirk Evacuation


Feels like we’ve been running to the cottage.
That stand still blue cottage near the beach, that you have showed me the photograph before.
I have been keeping them safely–your letters, the photograph–sitting in silence inside my pocket military uniform.
Both of our silhouette constantly tailing our presence, trying to merge with the time.
Our preexistence.

Cilegon 20160419

7th post: Farewell Cadeau



“If you could remember them all, will you remember me?”

I was so hesitate to write down this line, would it be ended up with some disgust feelings rushing your blood? Or vice versa?
Did you really consider me as a friend, or do you?

I was afraid if these two photos will be disappeared. Lemme just stayed on my past for a while.

Cilegon, 6th of February 2016. Have a safe flight!